My partner masturbates, I do not like it….

Let me start by bringing your attention into few common beliefs around masturbation, that are still holding us back from our sexual freedom and acceptance



  • Masturbation is only for losers

  • If you masturbate your relationship is a failure

  • If you are in relationship you should not be masturbating

  • Masturbation is pointless activity

  • Masturbation hurt our relationship

  • Masturbation has to be hiddedna and left at secret


Can masturbation be harmful to our relationship? 


As any other activities (work, sport, friends) so does masturbation can be used to run away from intimacy with our partners. I have clients who find comfort in many different activities, that bring them more pleasure than interaction with own partners. But, somehow we do not call work, sport or research harmful. 


In this scenario issue here is not an act of masturbation, but avoidance of relationship and intimacy. There are bigger relationship issues that need to be addressed. 


But I do not like them masturbating!


Why do we react strongly to our partner’s masturbation? This is a great place for our own growth. I talk a lot about how sexual growth is a great place for our own transformation. And this is a perfect example of that. 


What happens to me, when I find out that my partner masturbates?


  • What I am afraid will happen? 

  • Why am I so uncomfortable with it? 

  • What are the pieces of sexuality I am not comfortable with?

  • Am I comfortable with my own sexuality?

  • What is the story I am creating behind this action? 

  • What does masturbation mean to me?

  • What have I learned growing up and how do I hold masturbation inside of relationship?


Our reactions to partner’s masturbation come from our own internal perception. It can be our own fear of being abandoned, our fear of being not needed. “If I cannot give him sex, or he is not having sex with me then what I am god for”, “If she loves to masturbate, then I am not good enough as a man”. Defying our worth based on sexual intercourses.


Our reaction reflects our own sexual insecurities, wounds, experiences. It shows us where we stand with our sexuality and our confidence. 


By fact masturbation is not ruining, but actually improves sex our  life. However, our lack of education and internal fears can make us feel the opposite.


Massturbation has many benefits for individual as well as couples' sexuality.